Joke de Jour - The Louisville Cardinals

1. How do you get a University of Louisville graduate off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.
2. What does a University of Louisville graduate call a University of Kentucky graduate? Their Boss.
3. What does a University of Louisville graduate say to a University of Kentucky graduate during lunch? Would you like fries with that?
4. What does a tornado and a divorce between two University of Louisville graduates have in common? Somebodys losing a trailer.
5. Two guys, one from Lexington and one from Louisville are on a road trip. After about an hour the guy from Lexington stops at a store to get some food. He tells the clerk he would like some "maters, taters and nanners" The clerk says "You must be from Lexington?" The man answers "Yes I am, how could you tell?" The clerk answered "Thats just how they talk up there"
   
   Back in the car the two friends laughed about the clerk. About an hour later the man from Lexington was hungry again and stopped for more food. Again he went into a store and asked for "Maters, taters and nanners" Again, after giving him his produce the clerk asked "You have got to be from Lexington" "Well, yes I am. How did you know?" Again the second clerk responded "Yea, that's just how they talk up there"
   
   Now it's two hours later and the two friends have been tripping on the people being able to tell how the one man was from Lexington by the way he ordered his produce. The man from Louisville was getting hungry and they decided to stop and the MAn from Louisville would order just like the man from Lexington had. He enters the store goes up a clerk and ask for "Some maters, some taters and some nanners" to which the clerk responds"Boy, you have to be from Louisville" The man from Louisville, amazed,asked "How could you tell" to which the clerk responded "This is Home Depot"
6. Why do birds fly up-side down in Louisville? Because there is nothing worth shitting on!
7. A University of Tennessee fan, 'Bama fan, University of Louisville fan and University of Kentucky fan were all hiking up a mountain. All the way up the trail they were arguing over who was the most dedicated fan. When they reached the top of the mountain, the arguing had also peaked. Inspired by the moment, the UT fan in a moment of insanity said, "I'll show you who's the most dedicated! Watch this." He then took a run and go and jumped off the cliff yelling "GO VOLS!" all the way down.
   
   Not to ever be outdone by a Vol, the 'Bama fan said, "you won't show me up" and flung himself off the cliff yelling "ROLL TIDE!" The UK and UofL fans were shocked.
   
   The UK fan said, "Well, a Wildcat will not be outdone by it's SEC brothers!" He then pushed the Cardinal fan off the cliff and yelled, "FLY BIRDY, FLY!!!"
8. Why does the University of Louisville Papa John's Stadium have artificial turf? It keeps the UL cheerleaders from grazing at halftime.
9. What should you do if you find three Louisville fans buried up to their necks in cement? Get more cement.
10. A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, I know a great Louisville joke. You want to hear it?" The bartender says, "Well, before you tell it I should probably tell you that I went to UL. And you see those two big guys sitting next to you -- they were linebackers for the Louisville football team. And those two guys on your other side -- they're Marines, and they used to be in the ROTC at UL. Now, are you sure you really want to tell that Louisville joke?"
    The guy says "No, I don't feel like explaining it five times."
11. What's the first thing a girl from Louisville say after sex? Get off me Daddy, your smashing my smokes!
12. What's foreplay in Louisville? Get in the damn truck,sis!
13. What does a bear and a girl from the University of Louisville have in common? They both lick their paws.
14. What's the perfect gift a Louisville AD buys for his basketball coach? A new belt that will help to keep his pants up.
15. A UK fan & a UofL fan both went into the restroom at the same. Both finished their business but the UofL fan stopped to wash his hands. Joining up with his UK buddy outside the restroom the UofL fan proudly said, "I graduared from UofL & I was taught to wash my hands after using the restroom". The UK fan looked at the UofL fan and proclaimed, "I graduated from UK & we were taught not to piss on our hands"
16. A little boy sits in the judges chambers, his parents are going through an ugly divorce. The judge says to the child "Boy, do you want to live with your father?", to which the little boy replies "No, my father beats me." The judge then says "Well, you must want to live with your mother." The little boy replies "No, my mother beats me also." Startled, the judge asks the boy "Well son, who do you want to live with?" The little boy without hesitation says, "I want to live in Louisville with the Louisville football team, they don't beat anybody."
17. How did the UL fan get hurt raking leaves? He fell out of the damn tree.
18. Louisville was playing Rutgers, and UofL had the ball. A nearby train was passing near the stadium and blew it's very loud horn. Rutgers thought it was halftime and went into the locker room. 4 plays later UofL finally scored.
19. A Louisville fan had two tickets to the Card's Big home opener. He forgot and left them on the dashboard of his car. Fearing the worst he ran outside to get them. To his dismay he noticed the drivers side window had been smashed in. And there, inside his car, on the dashboard, lay his pair of tickets and four more.
20. The best thing to ever come out of Louisville? Interstate 65
21. A University of Louisville student calls 911. Hysterically, she says, 'Someone's just broken into my house, and I think he's going to rob me!' The police officer says, 'We're really busy at the moment. Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you.'
22. What is University of Louisville Coach Kragthorpe’s biggest concern? Does the NCAA count bail money as a recruiting violation?
    
23. What do you call a drug ring in Louisville? A huddle
24. Four Louisville players are in a car, who's driving? The police
25. Why can't most of the Louisville players get into a huddle on the field? It is a parole violation to associate with known felons.
    
26. The Louisville team has adopted a new Honor System. "Yes, Your Honor. No, Your Honor."
27. The Cards is expecting a 7-6 season this year. 7 Arrests, 6 convictions.
28. How do the Cards spend the first week of Spring Training? Studying their Miranda Rights